What Do You Need?
by Jackie Kosednar
For happiness we need to get creative with
nourishment, shelter and others.
We hear many references in our culture about ‘getting
our needs met’. And there is much confusion
as to what that looks like. We are taught that to
be ‘needy’ is a weakness and we interpret
this to mean the strong don’t have needs. Yet
to be human is to have needs. We are all interdependent.
Many times our lives, relationships, or work worlds
are filled with chaos, frustration and disappointment.
It becomes evident that we are not getting our needs
met. Or our minds interfere — perhaps we feel
we don’t deserve to get our needs met. Maybe
life or other people are stopping us from getting
our needs met. They won’t give us what we need.
But if you can’t identify what your needs are,
and which needs are not being met, you have no way
of knowing how to fix the problem. Thus you will live
in a state of frustration or want.
Survival Needs
As human beings we have three basic needs. We need
nourishment, shelter and others to survive. But we
are here to do more than just survive. We are here
for optimum survival, which brings happiness. In the
process we accumulate and build. That includes building
and accumulating relationships with others, as well
as materiality. What we build and accumulate is called
‘our world’. Parts of our world are about
tribal and collective community, as well as individual.
Needs manifest in all these arenas. Gain and accumulation
are natural to human beings. You could say we ‘need’
to do this because life pushes us to.
Human needs perpetuate the optimum survival human
beings are here for. Optimum survival perpetuates
the ‘love of living’ (building and experiencing)
that most call happiness. For happiness we need to
get creative with nourishment, shelter and others.
Basic Needs and the Love of Living
Humans have mental, physical and spiritual needs.
All three are woven together into basic human needs.
What we need is certainty — which is also called
safety. But then we also need uncertainty —
which may be termed excitement and variety. We need
connections of all kinds, and we need to contribute.
We need comfort as well as learning and growth. But
most important, we need to express our uniqueness
in our own unique way. We need to walk the path designed
for us by the Life Force, not society or other people.
We also need a spiritual life: to believe in something
greater than we are, something which gives us ultimate
certainty.
When these basic needs are met and in balance, we
live in an enjoyment-of-life state called happiness.
When our needs are continuously not met, or we don’t
allow them to be met, we live unfulfilled, unhappy
lives.
Take falling in love as an example. When we fall
in love, we have a tendency to love living life —
at least during that early period. This is why the
romance industry is so large. Just the thought of
one’s beloved brings bliss and joy, making the
mundane seem magical. The romantic love relationship
seems to satisfy all our needs: connection, contribution,
excitement, safety, comfort and optimal self-expression.
As we learn more about our beloved, we experience
growth. In creating our relationship, we mutate, becoming
more. If we don’t allow our needs to be met
in other ways, we can become obsessive about finding
a mate or keeping the one we are attached to.
Life is filled with processes and there are many
beginnings, middles and ends. Unfortunately, because
of the chaotic nature of life, we can go out of balance
during different times in our process (and more so
when our needs are not being met). Just when we get
all our ducks in a row, life comes along and scatters
them. Many times people want to eliminate someone
from their lives, but don’t realize how many
basic needs that person is satisfying for them. When
you know your own needs, you can take responsibility
to make sure they are satisfied. When they are not,
you can do something to change the situation.
What Nourishes You?
Nourishment, or getting our needs met, can encompass
many parts of our lives. We not only need food, we
need love and nurturing. We also need the constant
giving of the Life Force that beats our hearts and
runs our bodies. We need the energy of health to be
happy. It is the energy of the couple, the relationship,
that nourishes and nurtures the young. Money and material
things are also a form of nourishment. Our spiritual
lives are nourished through prayer, meditation and
spiritual study.
If you explore deeper, you may notice where you need
to be nourished, where your problems lie and what
is blocking your happiness. Who nourishes you? What
nourishes you? Where in your life can’t you
be you? Are you open and receptive to the inflow of
life, or are you closed off to the flow, not allowing
your needs to be met? Check this ‘Needs List’
and see which needs aren’t being satisfied in
your life and which ones are being satisfied:
• Certainty — safety
• Uncertainty — excitement and variety
• Connection
• Contribution
• Comfort
• Learning — intellectual stimulation
• Growth — change; to become more, have
more
• Self-expression — to express uniqueness
and authenticity
With this approach it is easy to see just how happy
you are and what you need to focus on to create more
happiness.
Thought Interference
Life helps us get our needs met by offering us choices.
It is always bringing people and experiences into
our lives to meet our needs so we can express our
selves freely. The nature of all life is abundance.
Life is constantly trying to give to us. Aside from
our own unawareness of needs, we can also block our
inflow of nourishment in other ways. Since life is
constantly giving to us, it can only be our minds
that keeps nourishment from us. We have many conflicted
beliefs and ways of thinking that keep us from getting
our needs met. Pride, mistrust or hurt can block our
flow. Low self-esteem or feelings of unworthiness
also stop the flow. Mental conditioning is a powerful
thing that colors our lives. But, ultimately, we can
change that conditioning by first becoming aware of
it and then by making a new choice.
Aside from changing your thinking, determine who
and what is satisfying your needs and contributing
to your life. Be grateful to them. Spend time counting
your blessings, which is really celebrating satisfied
needs. Soon you will notice that your needs are being
satisfied in better and better ways, and so are your
desires.
