[ Return to Articles ]

Nurturing Spirituality in Children

by Jackie Kosednar

Many people are dependent on chemicals to become awake in the morning and to stay awake during the day.

Society conditions us to believe that parents have certain responsibilities to their children. We are expected to take care of them physically, of course, and to love and nurture them. It is also our job to stimulate our children mentally and educate them. But in the spiritual arena the whole thing gets mucky. Do parents have a duty to nurture their children’s natural spirituality? Statistics show that families who have a strong spiritual foundation and/or participate in a religion or spiritual system overall produce happier, healthier children with more meaningful lives.

We all want our children to excel. The way we measure their progress is to see how well they are doing in the material world. If they are studying, learning, producing, pleasing everyone, and prospering, then they are excelling. We look like great parents because our kids are so socially acceptable. But sooner or later, each child will begin to search for something, wanting to create ‘meaning’ in his or her life. The search for meaning is a spiritual quest designed to deepen our lives and emotions. It goes hand in hand with wanting to know our place in life and what life is all about. It is part of our pursuit of happiness

Developing as a Human Being
For humans, spirituality has always been a strong pillar of life. Since the day of the caveman, we have worshipped and tried to please (often through sacrifices) any power that we think is bigger than we are — the sun, the moon, the storm clouds. As we graduated in our evolution, we moved from the worship of nature (or supernatural gods or powers) to the worship and understanding of God as the creator and controller of all forces. As our minds developed, so did our concept and understanding of the deity. We have a built-in longing for deeper meaning, for connection, to know the power that makes this whole movie happen. We want to connect and need to connect with that which is greater than we are. This something greater can get covered up with our own projections of materiality and false ideas and pleasures (like addiction), but our urge to connect never goes away.

Then there is the whole question of good and bad. Many people think of walking a spiritual path as avoiding the temptation of the ‘bad’ and encouraging the ‘good’ in the form of ethics, morals and values. All religions place emphasis on good behavior. Some are very strict in their interpretation. The reality of life is that you get back what you give out. If you are practicing “being good” (i.e., striving to love and be loving) even when it is difficult, or if you are being grateful, being honest, caring for the planet we live on, etc., you are demonstrating your spirituality. All of the behaviors you are practicing will eventually be reflected through your children. Thus you are fostering their spirituality through example.

All people experience some sort of spiritual event in their life, even if they don’t have an active spiritual life. Life is basically mundane. We can get caught up in endless materiality, thinking that things and certain people are the keys to happiness. We can run the rat race and then wonder why we are doing it. Without the spiritual link, however, all material things become meaningless and guilt over bad behavior can begin to run us. Forgiveness can be a powerful eradicator of guilt. Developing the spiritual link early in life helps us weather all the storms and challenges of our life.

What Can Parents Do?
The materialism of our culture often makes it difficult to maintain our connection to the natural universe. We see this happening as children get older and their time becomes full of school, friends, lessons, television and video games. But when parents actively expose children to nature in their early years, there can be a profound effect on their spiritual development. They not only experience the awe, beauty and magnificence of nature, but they learn that all life is connected. When children trust that all life is connected, they respect and appreciate themselves and the people around them. Kindness, empathy, compassion, and love grow from appreciation and respect. A camping trip can be a spiritual experience for a child.

Regular rituals are also important to children. You can maintain spiritual rituals in your home even if you do not embrace a formal religion. These rituals will be the meaningful expressions of your own spirituality that encourage your child’s expressions. Ritual can help us to sense holiness, or the possibility of holiness, in the familiar. They can be as simple as lighting candles or blessing food at dinner. These family rituals and celebrations turn the ordinary into the extraordinary. Mindfulness, a spiritual practice to develop greater consciousness, is being aware of what is happening at the moment. Rituals bring us totally into the moment. This can be as simple as asking your children every day what they are thankful for. In this way they develop a thankful heart.

Listening to your children as fully as possible is also very important. When children can freely share their deepest feelings and still feel accepted, self-esteem and connection grow. When we feel important, we matter. Recognizing the uniqueness of your children and fostering that uniqueness, in spite of society’s negative conditioning, allows your children to grow into who they were meant to be — not necessarily who you think they should be. One of the best things a parent can do for a child is to drop expectations. Let your children walk their own path. Young children may try to communicate, but if they are not heard and honored, they will soon begin to guard these feelings against the laughter of the world. By the age of 10 most children know it is taboo to refer to spiritual or emotional subjects in public because of the ridicule they may be subjected to.

By sharing with your children they learn to feel safe and be open. If you have a child that does not respond to “let’s sit and talk now” situations, try an “art time” to draw pictures or do crafts while sitting together and talking. There are many good books you can read to your children during sharing time to help nurture spirituality. Imagination is a vital tool for inner development. Affirm your child’s imagination and sense of wonder. Many young children don’t know the difference from what they imagine and what is real. So praise and give importance to your children’s fantasy and imaginative play.

You can help nurture your children’s spirituality by listening to them, exposing them to nature and good spiritual books, valuing and helping them expand their imagination, and encouraging their dreams. This is a profound gift you can give them that will last their entire lives. In fact, this could be the most precious legacy you leave your children — that and the example you provide with your own developing spirituality.