Nurturing Spirituality in Children
by Jackie Kosednar
Many people are dependent on chemicals to become
awake in the morning and to stay awake during the
day.
Society conditions us to believe that parents have
certain responsibilities to their children. We are
expected to take care of them physically, of course,
and to love and nurture them. It is also our job to
stimulate our children mentally and educate them.
But in the spiritual arena the whole thing gets mucky.
Do parents have a duty to nurture their children’s
natural spirituality? Statistics show that families
who have a strong spiritual foundation and/or participate
in a religion or spiritual system overall produce
happier, healthier children with more meaningful lives.
We all want our children to excel. The way we measure
their progress is to see how well they are doing in
the material world. If they are studying, learning,
producing, pleasing everyone, and prospering, then
they are excelling. We look like great parents because
our kids are so socially acceptable. But sooner or
later, each child will begin to search for something,
wanting to create ‘meaning’ in his or
her life. The search for meaning is a spiritual quest
designed to deepen our lives and emotions. It goes
hand in hand with wanting to know our place in life
and what life is all about. It is part of our pursuit
of happiness
Developing as a Human Being
For humans, spirituality has always been a strong
pillar of life. Since the day of the caveman, we have
worshipped and tried to please (often through sacrifices)
any power that we think is bigger than we are —
the sun, the moon, the storm clouds. As we graduated
in our evolution, we moved from the worship of nature
(or supernatural gods or powers) to the worship and
understanding of God as the creator and controller
of all forces. As our minds developed, so did our
concept and understanding of the deity. We have a
built-in longing for deeper meaning, for connection,
to know the power that makes this whole movie happen.
We want to connect and need to connect with that which
is greater than we are. This something greater can
get covered up with our own projections of materiality
and false ideas and pleasures (like addiction), but
our urge to connect never goes away.
Then there is the whole question of good and bad.
Many people think of walking a spiritual path as avoiding
the temptation of the ‘bad’ and encouraging
the ‘good’ in the form of ethics, morals
and values. All religions place emphasis on good behavior.
Some are very strict in their interpretation. The
reality of life is that you get back what you give
out. If you are practicing “being good”
(i.e., striving to love and be loving) even when it
is difficult, or if you are being grateful, being
honest, caring for the planet we live on, etc., you
are demonstrating your spirituality. All of the behaviors
you are practicing will eventually be reflected through
your children. Thus you are fostering their spirituality
through example.
All people experience some sort of spiritual event
in their life, even if they don’t have an active
spiritual life. Life is basically mundane. We can
get caught up in endless materiality, thinking that
things and certain people are the keys to happiness.
We can run the rat race and then wonder why we are
doing it. Without the spiritual link, however, all
material things become meaningless and guilt over
bad behavior can begin to run us. Forgiveness can
be a powerful eradicator of guilt. Developing the
spiritual link early in life helps us weather all
the storms and challenges of our life.
What Can Parents Do?
The materialism of our culture often makes it difficult
to maintain our connection to the natural universe.
We see this happening as children get older and their
time becomes full of school, friends, lessons, television
and video games. But when parents actively expose
children to nature in their early years, there can
be a profound effect on their spiritual development.
They not only experience the awe, beauty and magnificence
of nature, but they learn that all life is connected.
When children trust that all life is connected, they
respect and appreciate themselves and the people around
them. Kindness, empathy, compassion, and love grow
from appreciation and respect. A camping trip can
be a spiritual experience for a child.
Regular rituals are also important to children. You
can maintain spiritual rituals in your home even if
you do not embrace a formal religion. These rituals
will be the meaningful expressions of your own spirituality
that encourage your child’s expressions. Ritual
can help us to sense holiness, or the possibility
of holiness, in the familiar. They can be as simple
as lighting candles or blessing food at dinner. These
family rituals and celebrations turn the ordinary
into the extraordinary. Mindfulness, a spiritual practice
to develop greater consciousness, is being aware of
what is happening at the moment. Rituals bring us
totally into the moment. This can be as simple as
asking your children every day what they are thankful
for. In this way they develop a thankful heart.
Listening to your children as fully as possible is
also very important. When children can freely share
their deepest feelings and still feel accepted, self-esteem
and connection grow. When we feel important, we matter.
Recognizing the uniqueness of your children and fostering
that uniqueness, in spite of society’s negative
conditioning, allows your children to grow into who
they were meant to be — not necessarily who
you think they should be. One of the best things a
parent can do for a child is to drop expectations.
Let your children walk their own path. Young children
may try to communicate, but if they are not heard
and honored, they will soon begin to guard these feelings
against the laughter of the world. By the age of 10
most children know it is taboo to refer to spiritual
or emotional subjects in public because of the ridicule
they may be subjected to.
By sharing with your children they learn to feel
safe and be open. If you have a child that does not
respond to “let’s sit and talk now”
situations, try an “art time” to draw
pictures or do crafts while sitting together and talking.
There are many good books you can read to your children
during sharing time to help nurture spirituality.
Imagination is a vital tool for inner development.
Affirm your child’s imagination and sense of
wonder. Many young children don’t know the difference
from what they imagine and what is real. So praise
and give importance to your children’s fantasy
and imaginative play.
You can help nurture your children’s spirituality
by listening to them, exposing them to nature and
good spiritual books, valuing and helping them expand
their imagination, and encouraging their dreams. This
is a profound gift you can give them that will last
their entire lives. In fact, this could be the most
precious legacy you leave your children — that
and the example you provide with your own developing
spirituality.
