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Welcoming Change

by Jackie Kosednar

Change is always happening, yet we’re afraid of change. Still, we get bored when things aren’t changing fast enough.

We are constantly experiencing change and transformation. Our world is changing so fast that many of us are in a tailspin. If you experience short-term memory loss (just can’t remember what you were going into that room for) or feel overwhelmed and want to escape, it is probably perfectly normal. Our brains are having a hard time keeping up with technology. There is only so much space in our short-term memory and most people are so busy with all the things they have to remember that they become confused and overwhelmed.

The world has changed so radically in the last 20 years that it can be mind-boggling. We all deserve a pat on the back for putting up with it. A hundred years ago the pace of life was a thousand times slower. In just a few generations the explosion of technology (and stress) that everyone is exposed to is still accumulating. Life is never designed to be static. Still, time seems to be going faster in this period of rapid evolution. Getting comfortable with change and transformation could be one of the best things you do for yourself.

Human growth
There is no growth that doesn’t require change. Everything grows, so everything is constantly changing. Our bodies mature as we go through childhood, growing into fully adult bodies. Most bodies grow from about 20 inches long to well over five feet or more. Not only do our physical bodies grow but so does our psyche and emotional intelligence. We grow as emotional beings, learning to share, not get hurt and express ourselves appropriately. Unlike physical bodies that grow to their adult potential and stop, our intellect, psyche and emotional being never stop growing. We’re designed to keep learning — and with learning comes growth and change. As we grow we become wiser, smarter, more functional people. There is no evolution without accumulating intelligence. Mankind is becoming smarter and smarter. This has been going on for our entire history and much more rapidly lately.

The brain loves to learn and expands to learn more. When people are learning, they’re happy. When people stop learning their brains atrophy, just like muscles when they aren’t used. A way out of depression is to begin learning. Profound emotional experiences bring tremendous growth even if they are painful. Some people learn primarily through feelings and emotions. As they experience intense emotions, they deepen and mature. Others are very non-emotional and don’t necessarily learn that way.

The problem is that some of us appear to be growing faster while sometimes it looks like others aren’t growing at all. Nothing retards growth like a stubborn pattern of thinking. We have the option of staying in these stubborn patterns and repeating them or letting them go. A stubborn pattern will insist that things are a certain way or should be a certain way. Regardless of the persuasion, the mind won’t be changed. Being “right” is very important to our survival. When we are right, we live. If we are wrong we could get into trouble. The intense need to be right is always fueled by fear and refuses to look at other perspectives, so there is no learning involved. This is one way we get really stuck.

Addictions
Another way we get stuck is by holding onto an addiction, which is a habit or pattern of energy held in the body. Our habits, especially our addictions, keep life in secure order. Many times it is hard to give up a long time addiction because it adds stability to our lives. It doesn’t change when everything else is changing. We can be addicted to substances, people or patterns such as ‘being right.’ Because of the constant insecurity of the world at large and the amount of information we are exposed to, habits can take on a life of their own. Drugs promise bliss and peace in the face of a world at turmoil. Although cigarette smoking has been decreasing steadily the last 15 years, marijuana smoking is rapidly rising. One Internet statistic claimed that 51% of the American population smokes pot on a regular basis.

An addiction, like smoking, food or television, is always there, offering escape and imagined comfort. We stay in abusive relationships because we are afraid of change. Addictions are a refusal to change. Change can be scary and painful. We cling to old patterns of thinking or worn-out relationships in an effort to create stability. The more we don’t trust life, the tighter we hold on. The more we avoid change, the more uncomfortable we become. Sometimes we don’t want to change at all.

To top it off, fear of the unknown is hard wired into us. It creates caution that helps us survive. Fear is a necessary part of life. It keeps us from doing stupid stuff. So here is the push-pull: change is always happening, yet we’re afraid of change. Still, we get bored when things aren’t changing fast enough. That is the way it is for all humans.

People have so many more options than they used to have that just making a choice can be stressful. Choice brings change. If you are avoiding making choices, you are probably avoiding change.

We are only human
Life is not easy for anyone. I think people should never beat themselves up because the things they beat themselves up about most are just human things — predictable human behavior. Even addiction is predictable human behavior. There are so many forces acting upon us and, at the same time, forces that are ours to shape; it’s no wonder we all make mistakes. Life moves all of us according to its own purposes and intentions. Its possibilities are endless, yet sometimes the probabilities don’t look good. Life is wonderful, magnificent and scary at the same time. We want more but we don’t want things to change. What is a poor human being to do?

Is there a solution?
The way out is to welcome change and trust life. This requires us to change our beliefs. If you think life is against you or out to get you, you will struggle against it. Life really is on our side. For the average person, life is basically good. Bad things happen occasionally, but in the day to day, life is pretty predictable and mundane. It is our minds and our beliefs that make us unhappy, not life.

Change in the long run is always beneficial. We can’t see that at the time because it is a view in retrospect. If you look back over your life, you can see how most big changes were for your good even if they felt uncomfortable at the time. If you believe that change is good, it will be good for you. We don’t resist things that are good for us, unless a big change is involved. “Everything changes for the better” is a wonderful affirmation to help change a belief.

No matter how you see it, one thing you can count on in life is change. So bless it and embrace it. Everything really does change for the better when all is said and done.