Welcoming Change
by Jackie Kosednar
Change is always happening, yet we’re afraid
of change. Still, we get bored when things aren’t
changing fast enough.
We are constantly experiencing change and transformation.
Our world is changing so fast that many of us are
in a tailspin. If you experience short-term memory
loss (just can’t remember what you were going
into that room for) or feel overwhelmed and want to
escape, it is probably perfectly normal. Our brains
are having a hard time keeping up with technology.
There is only so much space in our short-term memory
and most people are so busy with all the things they
have to remember that they become confused and overwhelmed.
The world has changed so radically in the last 20
years that it can be mind-boggling. We all deserve
a pat on the back for putting up with it. A hundred
years ago the pace of life was a thousand times slower.
In just a few generations the explosion of technology
(and stress) that everyone is exposed to is still
accumulating. Life is never designed to be static.
Still, time seems to be going faster in this period
of rapid evolution. Getting comfortable with change
and transformation could be one of the best things
you do for yourself.
Human growth
There is no growth that doesn’t require change.
Everything grows, so everything is constantly changing.
Our bodies mature as we go through childhood, growing
into fully adult bodies. Most bodies grow from about
20 inches long to well over five feet or more. Not
only do our physical bodies grow but so does our psyche
and emotional intelligence. We grow as emotional beings,
learning to share, not get hurt and express ourselves
appropriately. Unlike physical bodies that grow to
their adult potential and stop, our intellect, psyche
and emotional being never stop growing. We’re
designed to keep learning — and with learning
comes growth and change. As we grow we become wiser,
smarter, more functional people. There is no evolution
without accumulating intelligence. Mankind is becoming
smarter and smarter. This has been going on for our
entire history and much more rapidly lately.
The brain loves to learn and expands to learn more.
When people are learning, they’re happy. When
people stop learning their brains atrophy, just like
muscles when they aren’t used. A way out of
depression is to begin learning. Profound emotional
experiences bring tremendous growth even if they are
painful. Some people learn primarily through feelings
and emotions. As they experience intense emotions,
they deepen and mature. Others are very non-emotional
and don’t necessarily learn that way.
The problem is that some of us appear to be growing
faster while sometimes it looks like others aren’t
growing at all. Nothing retards growth like a stubborn
pattern of thinking. We have the option of staying
in these stubborn patterns and repeating them or letting
them go. A stubborn pattern will insist that things
are a certain way or should be a certain way. Regardless
of the persuasion, the mind won’t be changed.
Being “right” is very important to our
survival. When we are right, we live. If we are wrong
we could get into trouble. The intense need to be
right is always fueled by fear and refuses to look
at other perspectives, so there is no learning involved.
This is one way we get really stuck.
Addictions
Another way we get stuck is by holding onto an addiction,
which is a habit or pattern of energy held in the
body. Our habits, especially our addictions, keep
life in secure order. Many times it is hard to give
up a long time addiction because it adds stability
to our lives. It doesn’t change when everything
else is changing. We can be addicted to substances,
people or patterns such as ‘being right.’
Because of the constant insecurity of the world at
large and the amount of information we are exposed
to, habits can take on a life of their own. Drugs
promise bliss and peace in the face of a world at
turmoil. Although cigarette smoking has been decreasing
steadily the last 15 years, marijuana smoking is rapidly
rising. One Internet statistic claimed that 51% of
the American population smokes pot on a regular basis.
An addiction, like smoking, food or television, is
always there, offering escape and imagined comfort.
We stay in abusive relationships because we are afraid
of change. Addictions are a refusal to change. Change
can be scary and painful. We cling to old patterns
of thinking or worn-out relationships in an effort
to create stability. The more we don’t trust
life, the tighter we hold on. The more we avoid change,
the more uncomfortable we become. Sometimes we don’t
want to change at all.
To top it off, fear of the unknown is hard wired
into us. It creates caution that helps us survive.
Fear is a necessary part of life. It keeps us from
doing stupid stuff. So here is the push-pull: change
is always happening, yet we’re afraid of change.
Still, we get bored when things aren’t changing
fast enough. That is the way it is for all humans.
People have so many more options than they used to
have that just making a choice can be stressful. Choice
brings change. If you are avoiding making choices,
you are probably avoiding change.
We are only human
Life is not easy for anyone. I think people should
never beat themselves up because the things they beat
themselves up about most are just human things —
predictable human behavior. Even addiction is predictable
human behavior. There are so many forces acting upon
us and, at the same time, forces that are ours to
shape; it’s no wonder we all make mistakes.
Life moves all of us according to its own purposes
and intentions. Its possibilities are endless, yet
sometimes the probabilities don’t look good.
Life is wonderful, magnificent and scary at the same
time. We want more but we don’t want things
to change. What is a poor human being to do?
Is there a solution?
The way out is to welcome change and trust life. This
requires us to change our beliefs. If you think life
is against you or out to get you, you will struggle
against it. Life really is on our side. For the average
person, life is basically good. Bad things happen
occasionally, but in the day to day, life is pretty
predictable and mundane. It is our minds and our beliefs
that make us unhappy, not life.
Change in the long run is always beneficial. We can’t
see that at the time because it is a view in retrospect.
If you look back over your life, you can see how most
big changes were for your good even if they felt uncomfortable
at the time. If you believe that change is good, it
will be good for you. We don’t resist things
that are good for us, unless a big change is involved.
“Everything changes for the better” is
a wonderful affirmation to help change a belief.
No matter how you see it, one thing you can count
on in life is change. So bless it and embrace it.
Everything really does change for the better when
all is said and done.
